Not Quite There...

It's 3 sleeps till I leave Malaysia for Italy and the Way of St Francis. And it's proving to be another one of those where the phrase "I'll sleep when I get on board" is going to ring true.

I had just spent the better part of my evening, in a car, travelling to check out the way to my daughter's examination centre. Poor dear is going to be taking her 1st major exam when I'm away - talk about good timing! Maybe there is a blessing in disguise - Mummy won't be around to stress her out any further!

But coming back to my point of today's reflection (which has been far and few!) ~ I'm not really preparing myself for this potentially life-changing journey! Sure, my bags are packed. My magic folder is all ready. But is my mind: physically and spiritually ready? ~ that's the question I have for myself tonight.

After all, a pilgrimage is a journey to a place of holiness. And the definition of holy is "exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness." I am no where aligned to goodness and righteousness, that much I can tell you. Nor is the devotion anywhere near starting point, what more completeness!

So it is worrying. For while the body may be able to push - my experience from the Camino in Spain tells me that my mind and spirit must be able to dig deep as well.

So no .. it may be only 3 sleeps till I get on the plane: I feel I am a lifetime away from going near the grave of St Peter!

Please keep this Barbsie in your prayers!

Countdown: T-9

It's 9 days till I get on the plane and head out to Italy. It's my 2nd day without my left arm in some sort of cast / brace / sling. This sudden disappearance of support is causing some pain and discomfort - well, better now than when I am thousands of miles away from home.

I am, for some reason, not super-anxious about this trip. Yes, it weighs heavy at the back of my head. BUT, being the control freak that I am, my bags are not even half-close to being packed. There are still items on the "Shopping List" to be gotten. And the dog has not quite been settled.

I can't help but recall the words of a wise friend some months ago, when I was bemoaning the lack of preparation toward this Camino - she said, "Perhaps you're subconsciously not ready." And I think to some extent, her words have some truth in it.

Why so? I really do not have an answer. And a big part of me suspects it has nothing to do with the physical preparation (not that I am prepared in that department either). 

Truth is, this Camino started out as taking time and myself away from Life, to start and finish my dad's last book. Over the last few months, that original intent has gone the way of Adam - disappeared into the deep dark night as Life took over. NOW, the Camino is for me to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life.

If I was to be rationale about it - both the original intent and the present one links up. But I would never be caught dead saying that out loud. 

Perhaps, I am thinking: if I were to go without any specific intent, then I wouldn't have to have an answer for the question upon my return - did you achieve what you set out to.

Maybe for once, we'll go on the Bus-11 without any specific intent and just BE. Maybe for once, it could be just this simple.

Why do you go away? 

So that you can come back. 

So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. 

And the people there see you differently, too. 

Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving. 

Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky